I took a big step back this last wheel turn to spend some time moving inward. (Translation – I had been having a bad go and in true drama mama form, I slammed the doors of the hut closed and withdrew). I decided to continue to focus on simple ritual and take a walk this turn with the cards. I pulled three for the span, asking what was needed.. and with them came three more. I recorded my initial thoughts and revisited them over the course, pulling as I felt necessary. I watched them shift and change as I spent more time with them. Here is what I learned..
Sept 21- thru: the 6 of vessels paired with the 7 of pents..
The six of vessels brings insight to past issues and reveals if the correct path was taken – it was a card of looking back, making peace, and moving on to the next stage. The seven of pents gives time to heal and reflect after a difficult road.
These presented in so many ways.. with those I love, with those where love wasn’t enough, and with those I could love no longer. It moved all around me and was me at varying points. In my personal, these were already playing out and I secretly referred to them as the “I should listen to what the husband is meaning to say more often” cards.
I had been lying on the floor (again) having a very epic woe is me moment one day when the husband posed the question, “Do you think they are this upset right now? I am willing to bet not”. Let me save you the suspense on this one.. my answer was a definitive no and he was right. What’s more is that if I had really been in a normal state, I would have acknowledged to myself that I really didn’t care that much either.. but this bit of why I was so depressed of late resolved itself in the second set.. it just took me awhile to get there.
(Spoiler alert – my life altering negativity was actually a side effect of a vitamin D deficiency and all has leveled out to normal with a few boosters/supplements.. I was very lucky and the world as we know it is not ending).
By All Hallows’ I had moved into the next set of cards without giving them too much attention. I had set steps for myself and was just trucking along day by day. I had been to the doctor, I was keeping removed from unhealthy situations as much as possible, and settling into a nice quiet spiritual routine. This had the added bonus of more time with the husband, the cats, and my ever growing book collection.
Oct, All Hallows’- thru: the Archer paired with the 5 of pents..
The Archer whose bow is poised to release.. the power within and the potential that awaits. The five of pents brings a challenge to be met.
I laid these back out to revisit on the night of the dumb supper. They felt a bit off, and so I drew two more cards – the interloper oracle card and the tower.. the demon who vows to behave while overlooking an obvious problem paired with the Tower’s destruction. It looks like I was getting a much needed bitch slap.
Who was being the self centered one now? (Hint: me – it was me). I could have taken the tower’s image and used it to slide back into the land of woe is me, but instead I looked at the Archer’s potential and the challenge of the five. I was determined not to create a narrative in which I was the poor damsel in distress.. that’s just not where or who I choose to be. I had made missteps and I own that.. so I pulled my head out of my ass and looked around.
I thought about all those at that moment in life and all those we were holding space for. Those going through much bigger things.. and those going through the smaller things. In that they hold great strength and great beauty.. even when all we could do was light a candle of support. We were present. We were doing our best to hold each other up.
I am now moving through my last set of cards and the lessons that smacking the earth beneath the Tower has brought. Walking in this manner with the cards has given me much more insight than I expected.
Nov 21st- thru: the 5 of bows paired with the 10 of swords..
The five of bows is the opener of ways.. it is a card of empowerment, and of overcoming negative self images and destructive emotional addictions. The ten of swords is the dark before the light.. here comes the sun..
These are the things I’ve managed to take away from this experience so far having identified those things I was too emotionally invested where I need not have been, where I’ve watched those I love overcome so much, and where I’ve just learned to try to take small pleasures in the day to day..
Sometimes the loss of what you imagined important, while painful, is just a necessity to clear your vision to what really is important. Not everyone you think will be there for you will be. You won’t always be there either. Sometimes you’re just not as important to someone as they are to you. Sometimes they are not as important to you as you thought. All of this is okay.
Sometimes people will just project their shit onto you and sometimes they just have their own to deal with. We can’t always all be the center of the universe all the time. And sometimes.. sometimes there are just assholes sitting in their grand tower of crystals being assholes because that’s just where they are in life right now. Take it day by day. Do the best you can to move past it and move forward.. ask the cards to walk with you.