I have been wandering the house restless since the death, when I’m not doing the usual death related activities. I feel like I should be doing something more, but then again, I don’t really care to do anything. So today I sit.. and I not sit.. and I walk room to room, trying to do little things that are really nothing.. and I think.. maybe a little too much.. and I worry.. the husband is not taking it so well.. and I really don’t know what to do.. with the dreams and the reality of it.. and it is what it is.
We lost someone dear to the husband and he will be missed. He was the only one in the family I really got on with and so I will miss him as well. Lammas night was to be a dinner with those left behind.. all crowded in a place we’d eaten with him so many times before. It was happy and sad, but it rained a cleansing rain and so in the end, it was perfect. I think just what he would’ve wanted. Tonight we will settle down and have a beer with him, because he would’ve liked that.