the compass keeps me sane


I got up early on Sunday so that I could cry. How does one explain that they are broken? Being broken, how does one go about acting normal? One just does.. somehow. I spent the rest of that day with some really wonderful ladies.. an old friend and a new. I rarely get to spend time with others who practice as I do. We spent the day talking shop and just hanging about. It was needed. This morning, I was once again melancholy. I put on the compass my fellow hedger gifted me for Yule and reminded myself that we make choices for a reason.. and those choices come with consequences. It is those such choices that help to forge our path and the lessons, even the painful ones, come to us for a reason. I am lucky to have such support on my journey.. is there anything better than support without judgment? Right the now, I don’t think so. These choices made? I feel that they are true and for the best. That really is all one could ask for. My compass reminds me to stay the course, even when I may not want to. My lesson? Letting go is sometimes the best thing you can do for the ones you love.


8 thoughts on “the compass keeps me sane

  1. I’ve been a little worried for you since you had the child-fire dream. Being in the fire is NOT a sustainable place. Anyway, I know we are not intimate friends but I just wanted to tell you, you are a strong woman and can use what you have to get you through this. Some days won’t be so great – actually maybe many days but what emerges from it you probably won’t even fully realize its gifts till days, months or years later.

    Wishing you strength and courage, my friend.

    1. I feel like I know you so well, sister to my soul, even though we don’t really.. I think (hope?) said fire is done with me and I am learning so much.. but yeah, some days.. some days.. Thank you for being you 🙂

      1. oh.. and funny you mention that.. I had the thought that the baby was a part of me that I was to lose and that is why the mother seemed unconcerned (as she is a part of me also) and knew it to be so.. just a thought..

      2. I think its Carl Jung who believes that every person in a dream is just a representative of our self. I don’t know if I would go that far, but I do believe that every person in a dream represents a huge cluster of symbolism that speaks deeply to our very primitive self.

        To lose your child self – that is frightening. When I read about your dream a lot of alarm bells sounded off to me.

        Also, I mean to post on your other posting that Bears – wow – they are about some deep sh*t. Deeply Shamanic – death and re-birth – traveling the Shadow road. I’d suggest having a discussion with Mi-Shell over at Shamanic Drum
        because like I wrote – deep stuff my friend, deep stuff.

      3. haha Morgan – well I could use a Soul Sister. However, I will warn you that on the outside I am perfectly and mundanely normal looking and look the tired mother of teenagers that I am. I am far more interested in the practical of how to balance bills than the spirit world.

        The Hawks keep trying to talk to me this week and I keep telling them that I am BUSY – but I think I better spend some time with them today or rue the consequences.

  2. oh, thanks so much for that direction.. I will go visit there.. (I envy your bill balancing skill, btw.. I am terrible w/money.. sigh). And I was just having the discussion with some ladies this weekend about reaping the consequences of putting off such things..

    1. Well money is more like me having gangsta skills on robbing Peter to pay Paul… I do not think my financial house is stellar by any means but it is getting there.

      Finally what worked for me and husband is that I keep a running column of the month to month bills. What the bills, what needs to be paid on it and when it is due. I check that table a few days before payday decide what to pay, on payday, husband and I shoot it back and forth and pay the regulars electronically (house, utilities).

      Cash is w/drawn and I pay the others I need too. The table is updated and emailed back and forth to confirm.

      Next payday repeat. Working with finances and another person is a pain in the rear and I say that with all love and 25+ years of marriage.

    2. I would highly recommend Mi-Shell. She’s the real deal and has an authentic shaman background. Bear is all about “sh*t just got real” (metaphysically speaking of course 🙂

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