I had coffee with an old friend of mine a few weeks ago. Our relationship had ended badly. Honestly, I was worried about the stress of it at the time but it turned out we both needed to heal and reconnect. Old ills past were released and the time together was lovely.. turned out I need not have worried. In fact we have seen each other since and I look forward to the next cup of coffee we do get to sneak out for. I don’t leave the house much these days.
It has been very therapeutic doing my own quiet thing. This new work is bringing so much. I am finding that some of these healing bits are finding their way back and other things are slowly exiting. In some of the manifestation work I have been doing, valuing worth and the thoughts you put out calling in what is needed, I am finding it interesting what is surfacing. I am putting my trust in the universe. I went home that day of coffee feeling very at peace.
“The eagle is strong medicine. She can soar the great heights and intuit the winds of change while maintaining a clear perspective and grounded connection to the earth”
– The Moon Deck
As part of my new moon work, I am pulling a card and using it to work on self through to the next cycle. This past cycle was all about clarity. The card speaks of the voice that reminds us of who we are, and so started my work..
Who am I?
Am I happy with what I put out into the world?
What am I grateful for?
What do I want to manifest?
How can I do better?
Am I being kind in my actions?
Do I give love?
Do I allow myself to receive love in return?
What ripples am I sending forth?
Who do I choose to be?
Every Saturday morning I have coffee with my ancestors. I sit before my hearth where all the candles, photos, and objects personal reside and I speak to those who came before – my ancestors of blood. After, I usually do my meditation.. often I find it brings me a bit of order.
I had taken a break from my usual murder mystery/cult/cooking podcasts (don’t judge) to listen to some mindfulness ones. I decided if I was going to be trapped in the car for two hours a day that I might as well work on the happiness master plan. Less negative, more productive.. water the flowers not the weeds.
This is where I came across the Mindlove podcast and a new meditation ritual (stress less, accomplish more episode) – fifteen minutes, twice a day, no timer. You learn to just work intuitively with the flow of things.
First, awareness, and using your senses to connect with what is going on around you. Next, focusing on your mantra.. if you wander just gently find your way back. You end with acknowledging something you are grateful for and visualizing a goal as if reality.
I liked the approach.. simple and effective. I used the given mantra “one” as I imagined roots unfurling from my body connecting me to all things. It was what brought me back to focusing on my spiritual practice. I rarely miss a meditation these days.
I find myself more drawn out of seasonal observances as of late.. at least in terms of the usual. The wheel of the year no longer fits me at the moment, and so I am putting it away for the now. I find myself being called more to the threes of the earth, sea, and sky.. and of course all those natural held within.
Simple ritual has become my focus – going back to my strengths of connection and working intuitively. It is import that I set aside this time, but as important is that I am able to really be present in the work. Super-structured workings have just never been my forte. I started this simple with a revamped meditation practice.. which turned out to be just what was necessary.
I had been sliding carelessly (okay – sometimes ardently) into a life of negative. I would like to say the devil made me and outside influences contributed but the truth of it is this – we make our own decisions.
I had become over critical, judgmental, a speaker of ill words.. and I had pushed the work needed on myself to the side. I thought somewhere in the unaware that I was helping people to heal.. or that was the initial idea. At any time I could have stopped cuddling up to my egotistical mean girl and been better.
There was no a-ha moment, by the way.. no “you are being a total ass” sign being held up by the universe. I came about the realization almost immediately and should have stepped away from all parties then. I almost did.. but for the need to be there. Misguided though it was but the road to hell and all that..
Awareness evolved slowly as I started this new journey of self in an effort to find my best healthy and by way of something completely unrelated.. possibly. It is/was way to late but I got there, or more so that I am getting there. Okay – I am working on it.. this process of self (re-discovery)? I hope you know I have deep regret.
I started with simplifying things.. pretty much dropping everyone and everything that wasn’t working for me that I feasibly could. I still am, just a bit more slowly now as I feel my way around.. away from what stressors and unhealthy associations I can.
Right now I am focused on shaping my new normal and what is going to work best in my life moving forward.. in my relationships, in my spiritual, and in my day to day. I am wiping my slate clean(ish) and embracing this softer, fluffier new.. yet again the fool, only this time by my own choice.