the disease to please

1FDD4AFC-08A1-4352-95D2-086F7336EC9E

As I heard this saying filter across my tiny sphere of existence, I thought – yep, that is DEFINITELY me. I am that person, even to my own detriment, who will wear themselves down with the compulsion to help/please/fill needs. Often I become quite the Bitter Betty about it. The lesson is that giving should be done freely and without return expectations.

I do realize, of course, that this is not a fair response. After all, did I not give the permission to ask, ask, and even expect? Indeed I did. There is no use being cranky about it, but my ego doesn’t always read the memo.. hence the downward spiral of codependency and apathetic breakups. I am just no good at tribe.

As part of my full moon just past, I decided to explore an expected ritual.. or more that I took this class hoping for inspiration and received the usual cleanse-meditate-release formula. At the onset I was a bit bitchy about it (and the knock to my bank account) but I wound up getting a lot out of it. I had to eat my words.

I took the salt bath and oiled my skin. As I drank my special tea and started the meditation, I quickly found myself wandering off the given path onto my own. I have always been terrible with directions. In my mind’s eye, I pulled the moon’s energy into my body and focused on the drums beating as I walked to meet my ancestors. Bear kept a watchful eye on me along the way.

I asked them what was needed this cycle. The answer was swift – weed out the chatter and listen to the deep within.. boundaries, fear, and the need sickness are holding you. It is a time for shifting. When these unserving become, acknowledge them with gratitude for the lesson and move on. “Don’t dwell”, spoke the oldest woman sharply. She was new to me in this circle.. the hyenas near her were not. I left quickly and made my way back for the work ahead. Oh, and the release? I set to flame those things I was beating myself up with and went in about my evening.

water the flowers, not the weeds

E402C255-DB12-4FF7-AE6D-9F733DC7C996

Every Saturday morning I have coffee with my ancestors. I sit before my hearth where all the candles, photos, and objects personal reside and I speak to those who came before – my ancestors of blood. After, I usually do my meditation.. often I find it brings me a bit of order.

I had taken a break from my usual murder mystery/cult/cooking podcasts (don’t judge) to listen to some mindfulness ones. I decided if I was going to be trapped in the car for two hours a day that I might as well work on the happiness master plan. Less negative, more productive.. water the flowers not the weeds.

This is where I came across the Mindlove podcast and a new meditation ritual (stress less, accomplish more episode) – fifteen minutes, twice a day, no timer. You learn to just work intuitively with the flow of things.

First, awareness, and using your senses to connect with what is going on around you. Next, focusing on your mantra.. if you wander just gently find your way back. You end with acknowledging something you are grateful for and visualizing a goal as if reality.

I liked the approach.. simple and effective. I used the given mantra “one” as I imagined roots unfurling from my body connecting me to all things. It was what brought me back to focusing on my spiritual practice. I rarely miss a meditation these days.