to the witch I burned

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I had been sliding carelessly (okay – sometimes ardently) into a life of negative. I would like to say the devil made me and outside influences contributed but the truth of it is this – we make our own decisions.

I had become over critical, judgmental, a speaker of ill words.. and I had pushed the work needed on myself to the side. I thought somewhere in the unaware that I was helping people to heal.. or that was the initial idea. At any time I could have stopped cuddling up to my egotistical mean girl and been better.

There was no a-ha moment, by the way.. no “you are being a total ass” sign being held up by the universe. I came about the realization almost immediately and should have stepped away from all parties then. I almost did.. but for the need to be there. Misguided though it was but the road to hell and all that..

Awareness evolved slowly as I started this new journey of self in an effort to find my best healthy and by way of something completely unrelated.. possibly. It is/was way to late but I got there, or more so that I am getting there. Okay – I am working on it.. this process of self (re-discovery)? I hope you know I have deep regret.

I started with simplifying things.. pretty much dropping everyone and everything that wasn’t working for me that I feasibly could. I still am, just a bit more slowly now as I feel my way around.. away from what stressors and unhealthy associations I can.

Right now I am focused on shaping my new normal and what is going to work best in my life moving forward.. in my relationships, in my spiritual, and in my day to day. I am wiping my slate clean(ish) and embracing this softer, fluffier new.. yet again the fool, only this time by my own choice.

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nola on my mind

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Years ago I went to New Orleans.. everything changed. I put my hand on Marie Laveau’s tomb and asked for movement. I received it. At the time I was there with my closest, it felt like home and we met many people.. some we would work with and some we would leave. Eventually we would leave each other to embrace diverging paths. As always, life does its thing.

I would have found myself there again this weekend, seeking that feeling of home, but I never made it.. a course on Baba Yaga who is ever with me calling. My body was/is just too tired. The city, however, still seems to be bringing me movement as I woke to revisit my old spiritual writings and in the end wiping them clean. My spiritual seems to be evolving.. softer.. simpler. I wanted to start this fresh, or as fresh as possible.. addressing the old and clearing way as a new journey seems to be emerging.