underworld reflections

bonesclean

That day was an exercise on underworld and shadow. We paired off to revisit our last underworld experiences – shadows some of us were still working through, and in some cases we found ourselves baring our souls. Many of us were faced with strangers and yet, thought crept in.. were they truly? Spirit had brought us all there for a reason.. who’s to say.. who’s to say..

I was thankful to be paired with a beloved witchling that I had already shared some bonding with, although I wasn’t sure if that made such truths better or not so.. but at least a bit more comfortable for laying my bits of shadow and bone bare. Thought popped in of my journey card image and of the raven picking at the painful meaty bits still clinging to said bone.. and that’s exactly how I felt.

We spoke of shame, of fear, of missteps and of regret.. all those things one has lurking about in shadow still in need of some work. I could have skirted around and picked something easy, but I chose to pull no punches. I laid out my most ugly bits, tinged with regret in a sense, but not necessarily in the way one would expect. There was guilt in there but mostly a sense of failure.

So much had passed and those choices were made in what seemed another lifetime.. but the lessons were needed. For me, I think, it was the lingering shame and the feeling of inadequacy to be found in my failing.. forgiving oneself is really the hardest. I think it is important to acknowledge to those who walk the path with you, that even those of us who have walked a long time still make said missteps large and small. We are but human and sometimes our best isn’t always something great.. it is just all that we can do in that moment.. and that is okay.

Sitting across, baring my immense horrible, I wondered how they saw me now. Did they find me less of a person in my inadequacies? Was I this broken thing – tarnished and pitted? Was I unworthy? Was I no longer the same person in their mind? Was I going to lose this fledgling friendship because I allowed them to see those ugly bits? Were they having the same thoughts in reverse? It’s a very scary thing to allow one so close.. terrifying.

As Wendy wove through her song “Rewind”, it really sank in.. yes, we all would like to have that magical rewind button. We all have times when we feel fucked up and blind.. and that’s okay, at least for me. It’s all part of the journey and we’re allowed.

Looking across from my side, I saw a brave and beautiful soul scorched by the fire of past hurts.. vulnerable and yet backed with an extraodinary quiet strength just finding its way to the fore. I saw the struggle to be open warring with the need to withdrawal – something that I very much relate to. They were brilliantly equisite, even in the not-so-comfortable soft bits they were still adjusting to.. and in that too, there lay such beauty.. and I loved them all the more.

As I placed my written release in the cauldron dirt, I decided the time for hanging on was through. I was going to allow myself to let go of that burden, that shame. I was going to work towards self-forgiveness and move forward.. I hope they chose to do the same.

singing to the bones

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Yes, that’s the title of a song and yes, I listen to Wendy Rule… I love her words and I love her voice even though this song isn’t necessarily related to this solstice it still popped into my mind for obvious reasons and so I thought I’d share.

singb2

harry lauder holding hands with rosemary 

Midsummer is but a moment in time, the sun’s power is at its zenith and the wheel will soon be turning again towards the darker. I spent the eve gathering herbs as those gathered this night are said to be especially potent. I do not perform much spell work but still I tucked a few things away just in case.

singb3

Surrounded by the flush of all things growing, it is a perfect time for working with the nature spirits. Normally I would head down to scry in a natural body of water but as I’ve been away a bit overmuch lately I chose to stay in the garden and do my workings there. This year I decided to do a wildcasting as I was recently reminded that I do not do so enough. These objects are gifted to me for a reason and I felt I needed to connect more.

singb4

So I set to puttering about my outdoor, getting things just right and settled down to take in my surroundings for a bit. I lit my seasonal incense and called to me those who would come. Then I fed them. Midsummer is a good time to look forward and so getting to the task at hand, I cast my lot to see what I could see. I left an offering of yarrow and sweet wine in thanks and farewell. I spent the rest of the evening tidying up the garden and just generally enjoying the atmosphere.